You have got to decide if you want an amicable route or a litigation route.

Many people think that if they hire a Collaborative lawyer, they may not be able to afford a litigator if they need one.

What they don’t understand is that they cannot afford litigation because they have no idea about the cost and the length of the cost.  Let me explain:

When you hire a litigator to go through the amicable route; it is like hiring a football player to dance in the ballet.

It is a completely different focus and skill and behavior and action.

What happens is that the litigator does what a litigator does which is litigation.  The litigator files documents in court, writes legal letters, postures, positions, etc.

Then your spouse feels threatened and does what someone does when they are threatened, get on the offensive and then you will tell yourself “see, an amicable route would not have worked with this person.”

Then everything becomes about the fight.  No one likes to lose so you will keep going back to court.  That is why some divorces last for ten years or more.

Trust me – even if you could afford years of a litigation attorney, why would you care more about your pride than you do about your money and peace of mind and freedom?

Here is the gest of a letter from a litigation lawyer:

This is an attempt to settle the matter to avoid litigation.  We offer that you take less of everything otherwise you would have to pay my client’s attorney fees and you will lose in court.

Here is an example of a letter from a Collaborative attorney:

I am inviting you to consider the Collaborative process so that we can work together as a team to come up with options that work for both of you.  I imagine that both you and my client care about what is best for the children and how to have this process be cost-effective.  Will you be willing to work with me to plan a process that keeps the children and your finances safe?  Please join me in a conversation so I can tell you more about the Collaborative process.

You tell me  – how would you respond to each of those letters if they were from your spouse’s attorney?  Does that make sense?

Commit to a process and have faith; otherwise, you will be stressed out fighting in court until you have nothing left.