Parents cannot protect their children from dealing with life’s challenges, such as dealing with bullies or being exposed to harmful media material or peer pressure or illness, etc.  In fact, if parents could protect their children, that would be harmful to them because the children would not develop the capacity to deal with problems and challenges.  Challenges are a necessity for healthy growth.

However, children identify who they are by watching and listening to their parents and self-identification is the source of limitations as well as successes in life.

In other words, beliefs are very powerful in an individual’s life.  What a child learns to believe about him/herself can severely limit a child’s quality of life possibly forever.

When parents attack, insult, argue, blame, or put each other down in front of a child, the child automatically makes a decision about themselves such as “I don’t matter,” or “It is my fault,” or “I am unloveable”.

How the parents handle and deal with the divorce is a model for the children.

When a couple gets divorced, they severe their life partnership; but they never severe their co-parenting partnership.  Therefore, their relationship is and always will be an important part of both of their lives.

Children of litigated divorce are often neglected because the competition between the parents becomes the focus and the competition itself is harmful to the children.

e.g.  Father:  Come on, you are going to have a great meal after having had to eat your mother’s leathery food.

Mother:  What did you do when you were at your dad’s.  Child: we went to the movies. I thought he was glued to the couch.  Finally, he got up.  That’s good.

Imagine, parents decided on the well-being of everyone especially the children, to have a new partnership for an amicable divorce.  They consult a co-parenting coach and together meet with the children and let them know the following:  “We care about one another and want to do what is best for one another, and we realized that it is best for us not to be married anymore.  But that does not mean that we are not going to be kind and supportive of each other.

Children can learn from their parents, how to take responsibility, it is okay to mess up, it is part of life, but you take responsibility and apologize and learn to be more collaborative.

How parents deal with the divorce can be a great learning tool for everyone – especially the children.

If children are important to you, then your relationship with your co-parent is important as well.  How you deal with your co-parent can teach your child how to deal with conflict.

If you’re thinking of divorcing, contact us to learn how to make it peaceful, respectful, and not harmful to your children.