In our final story in this series, what happens when one spouse doesn’t trust the other one, but still needs him

10. Stacy and Eric

Stacy comes from a wealthy family.  Yet she has been very nervous about their finances.  Eric and Stacy have two children together. 

When the children were 6 and 8, Stacy told Eric that she could not be sexual anymore and she will be okay with him getting his needs met elsewhere.

Eric then goes out and has an affair.  When Stacy finds out she files for divorce.

Their pattern of behavior is Eric wants Stacy to give permission with respect to their family matters and he takes charge of the financial matters.  Eric wanted to give all he could with the divorce.  However, Stacy’s dad threatened and cornered Eric. 

Eric now wants to pay as little as he has to.   There is a lot of emotions on both sides.  Eric misses his family having to live separate and apart.  Stacy misses Eric’s support and at the same time does not trust him. 

Stacy wants him to pay without trusting him and cooperating with him.

Without Stacy’s cooperation with the finances, Eric cannot provide the support he could according to the previous structure.  Stacy basically changes the structure out of fear and mistrust, but expects the same support.

They have been able to resolve the child custody and visitation issues amongst themselves because even though it is not a collaborative process, the lawyers are non-adversarial and both encourage the couple to work it out amongst themselves.  The lawyers try to resolve the financial issues through settlement negotiations.